Can't believe that after Friday, I got this terrible diarrhoea...My body is already dehydrated and I feel dizzy and un-energetic. To top it off, the medicine that the school doctor gave to me is totally useless. I am not any better after I have taken the pills and capsules. Right now, I feel really helpless--nobody is around who can take care of me...I couldn't help thinking about the worse scenario that what if I die alone inside my dorm, and after maybe several days or several weeks, the cops find my dead rotten body in the bed. How pathetic! What did I do to deserve this?

 

Anyways, as for the darn diarrhoea, I can do nothing to it right now, because it's too late now and the hospital is closed on campus. And I can't go to the nearest hospital, because I can't afford the ridiculous price there. Yeah, this is abother pathetic thing! I will wait and see, if I am not any better tomorrow, I should ask for an injection or something...I don't know...I feel terrible...

 

For a whole day, I just had some cereal in the morning, then I just drank some salty water and water. I feel that I am wearing myself out. I went to bed at 1:00pm then got up at 11:00pm, because I have slept too much but I am still sick. So sleeping can't be much of help. I assume the reason I got the diarrhoea is because I had the beans in the 4th refectory and I had a glass of white wine on my friend's birthday dinner. Honestly, I have never had such terrible diarrhoea in my entire life! What's worse, I am alone suffering this!

 

I don't know what I can do, maybe I should just be strong, and remember since I can write the blog, I am not dying yet...Thank god~

 

Bless me...

Time flies. I thought I just stopped a little bit, then I came back to see my blog today, and found almost 20 days without writing anything here. I always feel that my blog is like a my own private world, where I can tell anything I can without feeling anything uneasy. So, apparently my life is going on quite well lately, and that's why I don't feel like writing anything here to make myself feel a little bit better. But life is not always smooth and fun, sometimes it's quite frustrating. Or maybe I am too sensative, because life itself is still as good as before, it's just because I am a born worrier.

 

I thought on this blog I can only write something that is common and ordinary, and I need to hide my deepest feeling inside myself. But gradually I realize it is not necessary to hide any more, because I want the inner release for myself not the judgments from outside. Because on this place, I don't give a crap about them. Anyway, when someone is in a relationship, I think sometimes it's hard to express themselves, because they may be afraid of hurting others' feelings or getting themselves in inferior positions. No matter how much you love the one, sometimes it's impossible for youself to say from your heart. Or it's possible that the one you love does not love you as you thought, and that's why you feel underappreciated or igonred or disrespected or cheated...Your sense of feeling can be totally wrong, but before you have the proofs to get yourself to trust that you are in a secure position, you just keep them inside, so that you won't be surprised or shocked when suddenly one day your relationship comes to an end. In this game, only that you are faithful and loyal is far from enough, you need to try so hard to make every day a brand new day and keep yourself new. It's hard if you are some people who are not accustomed to changes, and if so you will get tired in the end. Also when you are trying so hard to maintain this relationship, you love may keep telling you that some day you will leave, not themselves. In doing so, they are putting all the reasons in you if you can't work it out, and in the end you are the one to blame. It is sad, and it's because that you are unlucky to meet someone like this.

 

On the road to maintain the relationship, I have learned a lot that I couldn't have learned if I wasn't in the relationship. The happiness is technically based on trust and respect. Once you begin to trust someone with all your heart, you are at the highest stake that you may not be prepared to accept in the end--Either hurt so painfully that you will no longer have the guts to love any more, or you feel you are the luckiest person in the world and be happy forever.

 

As for me, I don't think of myself as a lucky guy, nor do I consider myself to be cursed. Sometimes it's good to be in the middle, but for most of people, happiness is the ultimate goal that they are pursuing for their whole lives. I am not an exception either. I want to have my own happiness, and I am willing to pay for it, willing to give it a shot.

Just back from Suzhou, I really enjoyed my one day trip there. I learned a lot of things this time. Anyways, after I came back I found that there are lots of things happened. My life has changed and I haven't found an efficient way to embrace my life completely. I love my life, but sometimes I just don't have the guts to express my love.     Love should be                                    felt, Love should be                                   expressed, Love should be                                  seen and heard, Love should be                                     touched, Love should be                                  deep and sweet   Strengthen up~~