The end of an era is the beginning of another. As I said goodbye to yesterday, I am entering to another field in which I am just like an innocent and naive kid who, however, is eager to learn things with passion and desire. Alrighty, maybe this is a little bit exaggerating, because sitting in front of the computer for a whole day is killing me and my neck, and I might very well end up surfing the net, wasting my precious time on nothing. I called today a beginning, and I need to think about some efficient ways of doing things, so that I won't feel myself useless.

 

Being in charge of the WesternMusic board on BBS of SJTU is interesting, but sometimes, very seldom, I do feel tired too. It seems that everything is becoming the routine, and I don't even need to think, or ask myself if there is any alternative better ways of doing this. I HAVE BEEN CONSTRAINED BY SOMETHING!! I haven't figured out what it is, but I feel I have been like someone I don't want to be. This kind of feeling is rather weird. Or more exactly, I feel my life, my time, my energy are all sucked up by something huge, endless. Perhaps it is just some meaningless redundant anxiety which will pass  soon after one night. Who knows? Or it is because I am too sensitive? As I was told several times by several friends...

 

Alrighty, I am going to do the same things tomorrow, and I hope I can do them better than today. So, good night my October 30th.

It seems that my life has to do everything with English, even when I am not planning on it, or I am not aware of it. For the moment that I entered this university, I began my plan for a better future or a ambitious future...Well, at least everybody is planning for that. Aside from this, I always think I am following my dreams and walking with my passions. But for all the time, I have been sabotaging my plans for whatever reason, and I always made excuses better than what I can come up with to convince myself that everything I did is good for my own. I despise those who cannot live with pressures or live like a man, and I scorn those who keep on cheating themselves, believing tomorrow is going to be a better day. Ironically, most likely, I am exactly one of those who I have been avoiding to be. The regret, the pain, the helplessness, the despair, the stress, all accumulated day by day, year by year, abrading my will, tearing my dreams apart. My feelings are complicated after I have finished the test that I have been preparing for as long as I can remember, but only after I have finished it did I realized that tests are important, but they are not all of my life. I want to get a decent score that I am willing to look at just as everybody else, but I also want to learn something, and more importantly grow on it.

 

I was high, I was low, I wanted to smile, I wanted to cry, and I had experienced so many things during 17 years of my studying. I used to take the scores as important as my life, but I was wrong. So is the test: It is significant, it is important, it can be painful, it can be sweet,  it is, however, not all at all. 

 

For the record, I just want to remember that I have experienced this, as I have changed to consider experiences as the most important things. I don't know when I began to think this way, but I feel that maybe this is called "mature", or hopefully, this is what I want at this time of my life...

 

Good Night my past, Good Morning my hopes...

It is always better to protect yourself from danger before it is too late, but lately I am pretty worried that my personal security may be endangered because of the shabby laboratory--It is just made of some steels and plastics. I cut my fingers while I was carrying some stuff there, and I bumped my head like thousands of times while entering that door...The worst part is that there are thousands of mosquitos that can make you shudder. I am going to go there tomorrow again and the good thing is I will finish the work there at the end of the month, if everything goes well...

 

I have over worked, as I go to bed at 2:00am , and I get up at 8:00am---6 hours! It is like that I have been back to high school...Well, maybe that's why I am not 185cm! Because sleep contributes to height a lot...SIGH~~

 

Now time for bed...Cheer up for tomorrow...

Yup, I just got this news, and definitely, this is the best present for my b-day--I AM GONNA WORK AS A VOLUNTEER ON SHANGHAI TENNINS MASTERS CUP IN NOV.!!!! I had that interview before National Day, and I thought my interview went quite well except a little bit mistakes. Accordingly, it went smoothly, but there left a little pity--that I can't work on the court which it is the closest place to see my stars and that I am arranged in the news center...Well, it still rocks!! I am going to see my heroes in person!!! I am so excited, even though I am going to get up early as hell tomorrow; even though my harsh test is going to kill me in 20 days. But, hey, right now, I don't give a darn! Because I got my best present for my B-day~I believe I may very well be excited for the rest of the week or more...This is my little dream, and IT CAME TRUE!!

 

Alrighty, I have to realistic now--I have to go to bed now. I don't want to get jaded before I can see my heroes. Yay~~

Beautiful moon hanging in the dark sky, it is the most beautiful scene I have seen on Mid Autumn Day! I love mooncakes, but ever since I was told that mooncakes may cause heart attack and high blood pressure, I stopped eating them even when it's the very night of Mid Autumn Day. Mom just called me and told me that they were having such a great time at my grandma's. Predictably, Chengdu is raining like always on Mid Autumn Day. As far as I can remember, I never saw the full moon on M-A-D in Chengdu, while I see the full moon every year since I have came to eastern part of China. Yeah, Chengdu is the city of fog, but I am so darn loving it...I love whatever things in Chengdu for whatever reason...

 

Being alone on M-A-D, I don't feel lonely. Maybe I am too preoccupied by something...sim city, my coming test, the solar lab things, the experiment, the papers. Sometimes, being alone can be so precious that I can't wait to enjoy the transient loneliness--my roomie has gone home!  I don't even want to leave my room every day! Of course, except eating and my no.2...I feel like that I am in a prison and I don't have anybody to talk to. I can dance whatever kind I want; I can sing whatever songs I like at the top of my lung; I can do whatever I want---This is complete freedom! It is fast though, after tonight, my 7-day national day will be officially over. I thought I could cram a little bit for the exam in the 7 days, but I enjoyed my "freedom"...Yeah, things seem never to go the way as I have planned. It is kind of like my personal philosophy. I like surprises, but I, too, love meticulous plans that can make you achieve something...But it seems I never had the luck of having the latter ones.

 

Well, lately, I am pretty busy with the BBS thing, because I am afraid that WM board might be closed-I am working on whatever I could to make it going on properly. I know I am too weak to keep it health on my own...As a matter of fact, in the so claimed free world of BBS, everything is hierarchical...Sometimes, it is really dark and gloomy. It is the big environment, and everybody has to know the rules, and  obey them. Otherwise, you will be kicked out definitely. So, since I am in this game, what I have learned is: bring it on, face it, and play it the way you are playing it.