It’s said no shaving before the important day can bring luck, so I did not shave today, thinking I could be lucky. But it turned out it was just superstitious to believe in something that does not make sense. Was it karma? I don’t think so, because I did not take my study for granted. Now that I know what brings me here, studying is surely my first priority. Well, let’s trace back to last week then. Last Monday I knew Michael got a fever on the weekend before, and then I found lots of people coughing in the classroom. I started to cough and feel dizzy on Thursday when I began to take pills and capsules. I felt terrible on Saturday and I thought I could barely make it for Monday tests. So I slept a lot without stepping outside the room on the weekend. Of course, I “suppose” I had spent enough time to review the courses for the tests. When I felt better on Sunday afternoon, time was running short when I did not have time to cover what is important in the handouts. Assumably, I had this false impression that I deserve to do well in the tests, although I kind of struggled in the first two times of homework, stunned by those who I thought to be dumb and slow. Yet, this delusions of grandeur made me dumb and slow this time when I realized it was too late to change anything at 12:30pm when everybody was finishing the test. The result might not be something I could be proud of and I should be prepared. So if a proportion of the failure contribution factors has to be made, I’d say a contribution of 1% of getting a cold plus 99% of personal stupidity. Although it’s too early to say it’s a failure, the test in the morning really caught me off guard and it ruined my day. No matter how well I think I did in the math test later today, I was just trying to figure out what went wrong to put myself in such an awkward position. The good thing is it’s not too late to put down my self-esteem a little bit and start from the scratch. Maybe this test was just a wake up call. Studying here does not really give me any advantages that I thought I could have since apparently language is unfortunately turning to a disadvantage for me, quite frankly speaking. Those kids in class are here for their PhD or master’s degrees, and that can already make them stand out from their peers who might either dropped out or found jobs. They are really smart, if not smarter. The language advantage does put them in a favorable position so they don’t have to guess what the hell “solder bead” means to find governing equations to solve the problem. Or maybe even now, I am still trying to find excuses for myself; or if I put it in a nicer way: I am not giving myself a hard time. Whatever it is, life is going to be as hard as I expected, if not harder. I hope I am ready for it.

It’s getting cold in the past one week and we are going to have the midterm exam in a week. It’s fast and I miss the summer when I did not have the chance to really enjoy my last moment with Shanghai. Now that heating is on, I don’t need to worry too much about the winter clothes. It’s still dusty here-my table is full of dust in one week. Thinking about that Shanghai is said to be full of dirt and dust, I don’t really know where it comes from. Sometimes stereotypes are just silly and unfair. But unfortunately no matter how unbiased you think you are, prejudice and bias are always there somewhere. I am getting the vacuum for the carpet and furniture…

Walking alone on the road in the morning while listening to the latest singles is always something I am fond of most in the morning-it’s quiet and relaxing. The fast pace and stressful tempo are missed here, not like Shanghai where getting on the subway in the morning is always the nightmare I could imagine. I set the reasonable schedule which I thought I would definitely follow, since it’s the same for me, yet I really had issues with it. I don’t know what the difference between working and studying is, but I just cannot get up at 7:30am in the morning. It’s strange.

As the temperature is climbing up a little bit this week, I guess the winter might not come yet…

So I have been working and studying since I knew I am supposed to work in the lab, and I quite appreciate the chance I got here. Others might have the age advantage here, but I know my ways around better than some of them. I know the age advantage is going to play a more important role as time goes by, but it was my choice and I respected it. Once I made my decision, I guess there is no way to turn it back. It sounds crazy but that’s how I got here. After some sort of adjustment and frustration during the past two weeks, things are getting clearer here, and it’s getting in the way in favor of me. The only thing I need to tell myself here is I don’t screw up with the opportunity this time. There are something I know better than others and I think it’s simply because I am older than them. If I stay where I am right now, I am just going to lose what I have. I don’t have time for that any more. So I pretty much think I was kindly granted the second chance to study and work here. It’s been good and amazing since I got here, generally. After I finished my homework at 2am last night, I looked myself in the mirror and smiled. Because the long lost accomplishment kind of feeling was back. Although the outcome might not be so desirable, I was glad I could still indulge myself into either Fourier’s Law and Newton’s Cooling Law or loads of differential equations to get the result I wanted.

Our lab was extending last week, and that was why I couldn’t really sit down and work in the office. As things are settling down, including the nice and warm heating in here, I am quite satisfied with the new lab and everything-I can even bring my lunch here and I can bring my swim trunk as well! One big difference here is it’s getting so cold since last week, and the temperature is going to drop to ice point on Saturday. I cannot imagine this kind of weather if I was in Shanghai. I mean it’s only this cold in December in Shanghai. But it doesn’t really matter, since I wear T-shirts inside the room anyway. For a southerner from China like me, the heating system is something new to me and I like it. I still talk to my mom on the phone or online regularly, and it’s no big difference as my mom told me, since we were like the same when I was in Shanghai as well.

I cried last night when I was watching “Bobby”. I know it sounds weird, but when I saw those innocent people got shot while Kennedy was shot in the kitchen, I just couldn’t hold my tears. For whatever reason, I need some tears, no matter it’s just because of one simple touch of the soul or it’s just because I think life is too hard for any one of us here. I felt better afterwards and I needed that to trigger my inner inspiration and feelings. Being numb and cold is not something I would like to see or anybody would like to see, for that matter. We feel good while we get greeted on the road by people, even if they are strangers. It’s the basic courtesy that is missing in some parts of the world. I miss my childhood in a small town where people were nice to each other and people helped each other. But the thing between people vanished after I moved to a bigger city with my parents, where I highly doubt that pure and genuine thing might be existing now.

There are more thing awaiting me in front and I could have different opinions after that; but all in all, I am happy at this point and I only wish it can last longer, although believing eternity is as the same as being ignorant.

I thought it might be boring without something funny, so I bought an Afro wig from Wal-Mart this morning-I knew it’s going to be fun. Then I got the second chance to go to the Asian market this afternoon, so I had the free ice skating there. As a matter of fact, it’s always free on weekends from 2pm to 4pm, and it was a very sweet discovery. After I told the saleswoman in The Body Shop that it’s my birthday today, she gave me its membership card for free, which is about $8 normally. Although I don’t know if it’s their strategy to attract customers, I am happy with the free membership card after I bought the body lotion there. My roomie cooked chicken for me and he also bought a big cake accidentally before I told him it was my birthday. So we invited our friends over and had a simple but nice meal and a mini birthday party. It was good and I enjoyed it. Actually it was the highlight of the day.

The dawn was breaking and I got up in the morning to buy groceries. I felt kind of ashamed that I wasn’t able to watch the parade on Oct. 1st, thank to the darn slow internet speed that night. I missed one great event, so I promised myself I am not going to miss another one; although things were quite spontaneous. After I successfully got my swim trunk and swimming goggles at Macy’s, I knew I don’t need to worry too much about the fattening food any more-the sports facilities are good. Saturday was busier than I expected. As I gradually recovered from the Friday night Grad Mix Party at Pavilion, the alcohol did not take its toll on me in the afternoon. Going to bed at 2am seems to come back as my long lost habit again, although I know it’s not good at all, especially at this point of my life. So I declined their cordial invitation to the brunch on Sunday, since lab work and working out are my first priority now.

One of the highlights was I got the chance to taste the local Sichuan cuisine on Mid-Autumn Day. The restaurant is so Chinese, and I did not feel exotic at all. It reminded me of the combination of both Chengdu and Shanghai. I told them that I might feel homesick after 2 months when I come back here again. One different thing is since Chinese food as some kind of exotic food to the locals here, the price is normally not cheap. So it’s quite rare here, especially for someone who does not have a car like me. As I indulged myself completely in this western culture here, I begin to doubt how many Chinese traditional traits there exist within my soul. Not yet the time to get anxious or ashamed, but it’s something I need to think about privately.