It drops down on the floor, and then it dries, leaving the stain there. I am not cleaning it, because I want to leave it there for something to remember. With my body heat, it evaporates so slowly on the cold floor. Gradually, it's getting thicker and thicker, darker and darker. It is going to become a stain eventually anyway. I am letting my wound heal, so that it will not drop any blood, since I always get dizzy when I see blood. It is obvious that this cold winter is not helping--it always tears my wound up, and I am bleeding again and again, harder and harder each time. Hmm, I really should not have been so greedy to eat so many apples that I cut myself so deep. It hurts! So badly~The pain is overwhelming especially when I look back, it's like I am putting salt on my wound. I was told time heals everything, so I am letting this wound dry by itself, and let it heal as well. I can provide a proper warm environment for the cells to grow, and I will be careful not to touch this wound, nor will I put salt on it...:P

Blood dries on its own...

Fighting here alone...Been through a lot, and right now I need some luck to get things done~~So busy lately dealing with study and future stuff...

What I need right now is: bless, bless and bless...

Another year has gone, my fairy tale has left me behind. Lots of things would have been different if I made another decision at the same time last year. I don't regret what I have done; I am grateful for what I had in the past one year, and I feel sorry for what I have been through. I don't know what I could learn otherwise, but right now I think I am much more mature and stronger.

Let this memory sink in, and let me be with the hope that I always have in the bottom of my heart...Nov. 23rd, let me start all over again from where I began. I love my life and no matter what, I never give up and I always hold on.

God, Bless me~

A big day tomorrow...Please bless me...God

It is always raining lately, and if I did not have anything to do, I would love it. But when the rain is with something else, it would totally piss me off. I need to wear my suit to have interviews, and the rain apparantly is not helping. Thinking about tons of tasks, and with the mud on my shoes, I just don't know what I can do to chill, though it is chilly in the air...I was doing quite well at the same time last year, but this year it seems everything is going against me, or what I have done before should "pay off" now...Darn~

Being helpless and tired, I feel sad and despaired. All the good dreams and wishes are going farther and farther from me, way beyond my reach. The past seems to be a tattoo left in my heart, and I will always have it, never forget. All the laughter, jokes, pranks and chit-chats right now just seemingly help me cover my wound, but they never helped deeply. Once the sudden sadness comes, it is just overwhelming, out of control, unpredictable...I still get to thinking so deep that I get myself trapped in the circle of delusion. It would have been so good, if I weren't...if I didn't...if I never...if I were...if I did...if I knew...

Thanks to Vance, I got the chance to go to see those stars again without registering as a volunteer. I saw lots of people last year, and everything is just so familiar. It's just another year, and during the year, I have been through a lot. I am sure for anybody who are there on court, they have been through a lot too.

Roddick came to court here today, and I couldn't help but wonder how much he has gone through. Maybe he hang out a lot at night clubs, and slept with tons of girls, or maybe he practised so hard that he improved so much and he can beat Roger Federer easily in this masters cup. I took a pic with him last year, and when he saw me, could he still remember me? Probably not, that's because he has been experiencing too much things. I have been through a lot, but I still remember lots of details.

This year, the feeling is so different, maybe because I have grown up. I don't feel like I am just a boy one year ago. For most of the time, I would love to give my chances to other new volunteers who has not done the job before, and for most of the time, I would prefer to sit beside the court to stare at the ceiling silently. Maybe it's because I know there is not much time left for me anymore, and there will not be a third time for me, and I should take my time to enjoy what I have. Or maybe it's just because I am getting older, and I have been through a lot.

Still, I love this experience at masters cup. Given me more time, I would love to spend all my week there. I appreciate that Vance trusts me so much, and gives me so much freedom...

Here is the accreditation I got today...

		My Accreditation

I had a good day, but when I got back to my dorm, I still can't just let go of what I have suffered...I hope tomorrow will be better.

Too busy this year, so I don't think I will have time for this tennis masters cup, though Vance let me have the extra ticket to be an unofficial volunteer...I wanted to work there because I promised to get some tickets, but now it seems I don't need to get some tickets. I didn't go to Qizhong today, because there are some other stuff I need to catch up in school.

Anyways, sitting in the Mercedez-Benz official car to run an errand, and attracting people's attention were quite cool. I bought three DVD players for Roger Federer, Djokvic and Nadal, and it took me a whole day. I don't really have the passion to take the pics there any more, maybe I have done enough last year. Sometimes, I feel this kind of job was a sort of burden, so different from last year when I was so excited to see everything. Am I getting old? I got the accreditation card yesterday, and that means I can go there whenever I want, though it's a little different from other volunteers. I just love this kind of freedom, which I earned from last year.

My problem is that every night, I had nightmares, because I had a bad day last week. Things have not sunk in yet, but I hope those nightmares will not get any worse...

PS:My camera sucked at Beyonce's concert, so I took pics using my cell phone, instead of my stupid camera...

The Ceiling of Qizhong Stadium		Federer practising with his GF beside.
Djokvic got interviewed		A Big TV in Roger Federer's single room

So much for the pics today, since I don't want to get into any trouble...I am the best volunteer, like Vance said. Sometimes just a word is enough to push me forwards...

Yesterday was hell, but I want to live for today and tomorrow...

God, please bless me...

It was a great performance and quite exciting during the whole concert. She is adept at making a hot atmasphere, and it was quite successful.

Here are some pics:

My second time here in this grand stage.
Started with 'Crazy in Love'
My terrible camera~~
The position was inspired by Pussycatdolls, I guess
All those musicians are female...

I am still here at where I was, and it seems nothing has changed. Yet, somehow, I hope I can walk out of where I am now soon. I had a bad day yesterday, and I got shocked to realize how much work I needed to do before I could be proud of myself again. Anyway, past is past, and one thing would not be enough to end my world, and I still need to hold on and carry on, hoping tomorrow is my day...

It is the crucial time at the end of this year, and nothing major has touched me yet. All I need to do is to get prepared and pray. Because I believe that luck still matters a lot here, since I have seen people fly and fall just because of a little luck. On this road to my dream, I still have so much to learn and so much to do, and I know the hard time is still ahead of me...

Yeah, just leave those things behind for a while. Beyonce is coming to Shanghai, and I am going to see her tonight... I am sure I will be so thrilled and excited to see my bitch again, since my bitch Christina Aguilera has come in June! I will take lots of pics and record every moment of the concert just I did in June!!!

Hmm, before getting down to business, let's just rock and roll a little bit~~sista~