Been back to Shanghai for just 3 weeks, and I feel it’s like been forever. It’s somehow tedious to me at some point. Little tiny things can get me sometimes at night, and I could not sleep well. I need to get out of this weird circle, and I need to LIVE MY LIFE. I worked last Sunday, and Monday went on pretty well based on what I have seen. So we have reasons to chill a bit after Wednesday. What bothers me, however, is I don’t know how to spend my spare time-I either play Civilization 4 for hours or get trapped in TV series, dreaming I could be the photographer or fashion designer in America’s Next Top Model. It’s simple and easy to get lost, and feel too tired to stand up and fight. This negative energy is from inside, not physically. I tried to talk over this on the phone, but I only find that people are getting further and further from where I am. It’s interesting that sometimes when you over think too much, things change-either good or bad-you just get more confused. I deserve better-that’s what I told myself, but am I getting better? I have no idea!

Another thing: it was honestly quite embarrassing during lunchtime yesterday, because I accidentally ate some pizza during the meeting, which was not supposed to be eaten by us. The weird feeling came from other people’s reactions, and I am sure some of them did not feel ok about it. But, again, I might still play my newbie card, and I can get the forgiveness hopefully, thanks to that. Or they just simply did not care about it-it’s just a piece of pizza, for God’s sake. I gave the leftover salad to my hamsters in the evening, and they did not even like it. It’s always good to learn something from wherever, and what intrigued me during the meeting yesterday was how the lecturer handled the questions from the audience: The excellent questions are those existing in my presentation; the good questions are those I know the answers; the interesting questions are those I would like to know the answers. Smartness and shrewdness, that’s what the Jews are famous for.

I have finished the long journey back home, but I feel like having another one again. Maybe I am affected by my classmates or my cousin, since they put lots of their time on researching and planning where to travel, although I am not spending my time doing that at all. Maybe I should! Seeing is learning, and there is so much I have not seen yet. 26 is not old, and the journey has just started.

So I took my medical insurance card to the hospital this afternoon after I sent the group email informing everybody in the office that I was going to see the dentist, because my tooth is sore since last week. I hate hospitals in China, and I don't know if they are better in other countries. Like always, although it's Thursday, I had to wait in line for about 2 hours before the dentist quickly told me that there was nothing wrong with my tooth in only 5 minutes. Yes, I waited for 2 hours and my treatment was only 5 minutes. The man did not put his mask on when he was examining my teeth, and he was talking to other people too. Quite unprofessional, but predictable, even in the biggest hospital in Minhang. What they care about are not the patients themselves, because how to squeeze more money out of the patients becomes their priority, of course. I paid around 100RMB for that 5 minutes examination, and I walked out of the hospital, with my sore tooth, still.

Thinking about taking good care of myself, I made up my mind to go shopping on my way home. I wanted to buy some T-shirts, but I accidentally saw Sephora in the shop, which reminded me of the perfume I always wanted to buy. I know I never bought myself perfumes before. So, quite unexpected, I spent 600RMB on one bottle of Dunhill, which I often see on TV. Not sure if it's lame to buy that brand, but I just like that smell.

I did the laundry and I took a long shower after dinner, so that I can put on my new perfume and new T-shirt for myself tonight. :)

Currently I am an engineer, doing designing stuff basically, but it’s quite nerdy honestly. I love the job, and I hope to make the best out of it. Yet deep inside, I am always having this kind of dream that I could have my own studio where I can have a piano, and a high end computer for design. I listen to the music I love when working, and I play piano when I don’t have to work. Also I need a little garden where it has a table and two chairs with a wall full of green plants, so that I can have my tea when reading. I don’t need my studio to be too clean-some kind of disorder in some spots makes it more artistic, for example on the big working table where I can throw my pens or toss my notebooks. Also a day at home without dress code would be nice, so that I can wear my pajamas in the house dancing to the music or relaxing on the couch. Since cooking in my kitchen right now is quite annoying, I really hope to have a nice clean kitchen, so that I can try to cook all different kinds of cuisines from around the world.

It might be too far for me to reach now, but I wish one day I could be like that…one day…

Been back to Shanghai for a week, and life is on track the moment I stepped out of the plane-easy, although I had a little problem changing my Sichuan dialect to English or Mandarin sometimes. The biggest change after New Year back home is I start to buy food for dinner from the cafeteria in the company during lunch time, because it’s clean and easy. Also since I started doing this, I don’t have to worry about food after work every day. Having dinner at school used to the easiest way, yet my school card expired last year. That means I literally live outside the campus now! Anyway, thinking about food in the fridge there occasionally is relaxing and chilling. The kitchen at home is always dirty and oily, because my roommates don’t clean it each time they use it. So I seldom use the kitchen, and I think it’s a shame that I hardly have the chance to practice my culinary skills. I will find a better place to live eventually-I am always telling myself that.

About work, I found we cannot log on new version MSN any more in the office, and it’s a little boring to log on old windows messenger, which does not support offline messages. But it’s ok, as long as we can log on.

According to astrology, Libras are supposed to have a good year in 2009, and it’s interesting to see if it’s so.

Chengdu is still beautiful after the devastating May Earthquake last year, but other places near the fault zones were not that lucky. I asked my dad to drive me to Dujiangyan to have a look on my last day in Chengdu, because I still feel guilty that I could not get back to Chengdu in May, and I wished I could do something to help. Mom said Dujiangyan is different from before, because there are not so many people there any more. I can still see the wreckage everywhere in the city after 8 months already, and it will take a long time to recover. We had lunch beside a river in a restaurant which was so popular that people had to book a table several days before. The restaurant is one of few restaurants left there now, and most of the owners have left for somewhere else. The manager said she wanted to jump into the river when the whole building was shaking crazily then, even though she doesn’t know how to swim. When we drove towards the Erwang Temple, which was badly damaged in the earthquake, we saw lots of camps in the suburban area. Hospitals, schools, houses, all in camps…Mom said during that hard time, she cried every day when she was watching TV. So did I, I did not tell anybody about this, though.

I wanted to see Dujiangyan this time, and I did. I believe next time when I see this city, it will be better, and so will other places.

The Damage
The Damage
New Constructions
Camps
Zipingpu Dam
The Wreckage

The thing is when I get home, I don’t have to worry about food, because it’s easy to eat there: price is reasonable, and there are lots of varieties as well. I don’t know if I gained any weight after this new year, but I did have problems each day with my stomach. Every year! Too much food! It was great, though, and I wish I could have a bigger stomach-that’s all I can say. I took pictures when I was having some of the dishes there, and it was a little bizarre every time I took my camera out, since it made me a total stranger. As we all grow older each year, I don’t know how many new years like this left in my life, and I guess that’s one of the reasons why I felt melancholy during my departure from Chengdu. It’s normal.

Dumpling Making
Home Made Dumplings
Lantern Festival
“Everything Goes Well”
Ox Year
Spicy Bean Curd
Chinese Pie
Tofu Rice Noodles
Tangyuan
I Want A Dragon, Not A Cock!!

So as I said, this time I did not really spend much time at home all by myself, instead, I went to lots of places in 10 days. My cousin introduced a place where they have this old traditional steam train from 19th century, so we went there after new year. Of course, on our way back, we visited Leshan Giant Buddha, which I had never seen closely. It was a bit exhausting to visit the two places in 2 days, I have to admit, as they are miles away from Chengdu, and they are far from each other as well. No wonder my aunt had to stop on the road to have a nap when driving back. We were tired in the end, but it’s totally worth it to see those great things with family.

Steam Train in Jiayang
The Car
Locomotive
Giant Buddha
Really Giant
Sleeping Buddha Mountain

I tend to feel comfortable if I stay at one place for a long time, and living somewhere else always gets me to some extent. I don't know if it was only me or everybody else is like this. Anyway, it was so fast, and the New Year Festival is gone. I miss every part of it when I am back here in Shanghai. I was so excited to get back home this time, and every day my schedule was so tight that I did not have a whole day resting at home, visiting grandma, relatives, Leshan Giant Buddha, Dujiangyan, etc.. Father said during these days, we have traveled 1000 km!! Dear! It was quite a full festival this time. Tears couldn't stop dropping this morning when I was at Chengdu airport, because I knew it won't be soon before I could get back home again. Now I know how come many people don't like airport-it is a sad place.

Let's see some pics first here:

Pudong Airport
Chengdu Airport
Chengdu
Chunxi Rd.
Kuanzhai Alley
Let's Play!