So nice to smell the spring and to see the spring~YAY!!!It's such a great season, and I just love it!!   Amazing...             It's quite often to see the sunshine here, and I just want to soak up in the sun. Spring-the season of hope, the  season of hope~I love it~~  Thanks, my friends, for standing by my side  and giving me support. I appreciate it!!  Thanks! I am ok, no worries~~

Time to let me be myself now;                                                                                                 Time to wake up now; Time to get myself together now; Time to cheer up now; Time to let my life go on; Time to watch some movie to relax now; Time to work on my job now; Time to hang out with my buddies now; Time to get over it now!

For the first time in a long time, I am feeling so peaceful and calm. I hope this is not the darkest moment before daylight. There's something that I could barely tell deep inside my heart which is already in pieces. Mom protected me when I was a kid, and she taught me how to play safe, but I didn't listen--I thought I was good enough to handle whatever comes to me. I was wrong, and I need to pay my price for that.

 

Suppose this: when you are crazy in love with a hot, red heart, and suddenly it's cold and frozen, what would you do? Would you feel numb? Would you look at everything with disdain? Would you feel that you could never trust anybody any more?

 

I was on the morning bus heading back to campus, and I saw lots of different people pushing their ways to get on the bus. Suddenly I felt why the difference between each individual is so huge? You can be the 'king' living in a fancy castle with your personal driver, and you also can be the shabby begger on the street striving for food. Man, this is the difference! Also, you can feel safe and cozy in your lover's arms and have sweet dreams, but once you wake up, what's in front of you might be the mean cheater trying to suck up you soul and energy greedily. Right on! The difference is big, and it's enough to make the iron crack...

 

Anyways, look at myself now, I find that it's not too late to wake up, and thank god I am still who I am...

 

To be continued...

Well, I have been fooled for a long time, now I found myself so stupid. This feeling is so complicated, more than sadness or any words that would describe. I learned A LOT this time, and for some reasons I am so worried about myself. Maybe this is life, I have no complaints. Living in a big fat lie is not something you want to experience, but the truth is life has to go on. What matters is what I can learn from it this time.

 

Right now, all I can do is to pray, and wish my life a peace and happiness...

 

Bless...

Time never waits for you, you should do things ahead of time before it's too late. Being in grad school for more than a year, I suddenly realized that my time of being staying here will be less and less, and time is becoming more and more precious as days go by. Had I had better plans earlier, I wouldn't be so confused and depressed right now. Because of my lack of concentration on my research, when I came back to the lab, I realized how much I have left behind. But right now, it's the crucial time in my entire life. Seeing others either going abroad to study or pursuing their doctors' degrees in the following years, I felt so much pressure. But this time, I don't have any idea what I am supposed to do next. I feel so afraid. It often occurs to me that finding a job first and then studying would be the most realistic and practical plan for me, but I just can't stop thinking that I would be a loser if I do that. Why? I don't know...17 years' studying really take a toll on me-because I think only studying would make me who I am, no matter I am interested in whatever I study or not. Or I could be wrong, because it may be true that only study can make a person a man. But right now, I don't really have an idea where I am and what I should do next. I could either force myself to study further or follow my instinct to pursue my dreams soon, but I am not sure yet. Time is tight, and things are too many...

 

What should I do? What's the best for me to do? Where should I go? I am so confused and lost right now...Suddenly I feel that I am not a child any more, who likes dreaming and playing. I need to be more practical and mature. I thought I could be different, but in the end I guess I would just be the same as others. I am naive, yes...I feel so afraid...