It will continue to be hot for some time, but 2007 summer is almost gone now. This summer is a different summer from any summers I had, because I spent all my time alone without my family. I do miss my mom, dad, grandma, sister...But sometimes things will not just go as you wish. I missed the chance to go to the prairie in north of Sichuan with my family; I missed the chance to see the snow in July on the Que'er Mount.; I missed the chance to see the Lama Temples in Kangding...I missed so many things in this summer.

I spent all my July in the dorm and lab, and that was the hottest time of the whole year. I slept on the ground in my dorm, because otherwise I would have woken up with sweat all over in the middle of night. Then came the August, and all of a sudden, everything seemed to be poured in on me. I was wondering how come some things did not come to me in July. Yeah, it's just the life, and the bottom line of the life is: things are not fair.

I had my hardest summer this year, and for most of the time, I was pretty numb. That's why time really passed me by so fast. When I look at what I have done, I am amazed by that. Also when I think of how much time I have wasted, I try not to think about it. Because the pain of losing time is never something you can heal. Instead of facing it, I choose to walk away.

What I have done in summer will have its consequenses in the following months, goopd or bad, I should get ready for whatever comes my way. Don't let the laziness get in the way!

I missed the trip to a dreamland, but I won't miss ticket for the journey to my dream!

A performance without audience is no fun, and writing blogs without readers is lame, or it's just your own self satisfaction.  Whenever I think about people reading my blogs, I am more motivated to write more. I like being the center of attention without any pressure, and blogging definitely gives me the chance to do it. I am a quiet person, and for most of the time on table with people having dinner, I would be just minding my own business--eating. I don't really like being that way, but it seems that I just lack the skills of better communication with others. I should change!! Whereas, when it comes to blogging, I am more active and talkative. Everybody has the potential of wanting to be the center of attentions, because in doing so, they can find their own existance, or you can say some sort of their needs deep inside can be satisfied eventually.

Especially, when there is someone you care about, you love reading the blogs you wrote, that could be the best rewarding you could ever have after you spent lots of time writing things on your space. I write blogs, not because I am expecting someone would read it, but because I would feel really rewarded after someone has read it. Sometimes a beautiful surprise, sometimes nothing. That's the stake I need to know. No big deal, but the rewarding feeling can give you a good day, a beautiful smile, a happy face. I can live without it, but it would be different otherwise.

The summer in Shanghai is sticky and swelteringly hot, so sitting in my dorm to write my blogs is the most typical thing I could do, and I think no matter when, I will always remember this...This feeling, this experience will not fade away.

Since everything's past, why not cheer up and have your own life back? There is nothing I can do about it, and that's how this is. I will get through this, and it's just a matter of time. Anyways it was my last day yesterday to work with Regnier, and I enjoyed the time I was there. On the road, I took some pictures to remember this experience, because I know I may never go there again, and I may never do the same thing again.

The bus I used to take...
	The cafe I always passed by
		The statue I used to see
	I had rice noodles in there. That was good!
The gymnastics stadium
	A cat chilling at the doorstep...first time to see this Mr. Cat. Hey, there!

Alrighty, past is past, and I am glad that I have what I have, what I had before; I am grateful that because of all these things, I am growing up, growing stronger!

On the road, I never give up. I will fight for my life!

It should be a great day today! I got up very early, and felt like writing a little bit. The sun is rising up, shiny and bright.

It's a brand new day!

Cheer up~~~

I picked up the last piece of my clothes in the drawer, packing them in my small bag,  and finished the cereal, putting the bowl in the sink and letting them to be washed in the evening when the host is back. The sun shined through the window, with the green leaves shadow on the floor, I put the silk pillows back on the sofa, and suddenly I felt a little bit sour in my nose. I looked through the window, gazing the dark red buildings outside next to the small lake. The wind is blowing the willows--it should be a great day.  After making the bed, and folding the pants back on the bed, I put on my bulging bag and my shoes. I looked back in the house again, trying to hold back my feelings which was overwhelming. I locked the door with the key in the kitchen, and slid the key into the house through the chink under the door. Everything was locked inside. I couldn't help but let my tears rolling down my cheeks. Everything was so quiet, but seemingly happening in a order. I left a place where I thought I could have what I was dreaming of; I left a place where I put my hope and passions; I left the happiness back, which I thought would come easily.

It will be hard to get over whatever happened in the last few months, and the fact is that I don't want to forget about it.  I somehow feel that I still stand a chance of getting everything back, maybe I am naive and silly. The world is never that simple like what I thought it would be. My rational side always tells me that I should concentrate on something else, and get over it, but my emotional side always drags me back to where I was, making me feel that nothing has happened, and everything was the same as before. I am not as sad as I thought I would be, maybe it's because things haven't sink in yet--I need time to think this through.

I fell...Nobody can help me out right now. I should learn and stand up again, because this is life. I am ok, because I still have my mind and I am not losing myself...I don't need the sympathy, because I still have my dignity which was torn to pieces, but somehow it's still there...

After all these things, I am still wondering if I let you go this time, will you get back to me?  If not, you will never be mine...

I got one text message today, telling me that one of my high school classmates will get married tomorrow in Chengdu, which caught me off-guard. She is a smart and beautiful girl from a rich family, and she played around a lot in high school. There are some people hated her so much, and also there are some people who loved her very much. I was one of her friends who helped her in English tests, and I appreciated her intelligence. I never expected that she would settle down in her early 20s, because she has the capability to make other guys fall for her. Well, maybe time can really change a person that much, or she is just a girl, hoping to find true love like any other girls. Anyways, it's good that she finally found the right man for her, and congratulations on her!

I went to see Mai last night, and we had a fight. I cried, and got despaired. I don't know why sometimes life is so hard. When you fall for someone deeply, it would be very easy to get hurt. Maybe I haven't been through enough in my life, or I lack some kind of experience. But lately, I really feel that I don't need dramas and I need to be happy. I would still stick to Mai, and I will try to make this work no matter hard it will be. After all, giving up would be the last thing I would say to myself. As I promised myself, no matter how hard life could be, I will be fine!

I didn't know I would write this blog from the very beginning till now, and when I look back, 2 years seem to be as short as blinking eyes. Now, I really feel that this space is like my diary, and I can write whatever I want. Sometimes, only diary can be the good listener. Sounds kind of sad, huh? LOL...Well, I am not letting emotions take me over, nor am I being such a girl, but I realized that it is really good to write things down when I feel like. Maybe this is some sort of therapy that can release my stress and pressure sometimes.

Recently, I feel that I have been living an invisible life, and this life style is not really healthy, to be honest. I need to be stronger and sit down to think for myself. I have assigned many tasks to myself which are beyond what I am able to handle. I overestimated myself like I always did. After all, I am not a superman. Well, like always when I reach my limitation, I would not take any more. That is not how I want to end, but what can I do right now? Why is it so hard for me to make some decesions when they are needed?

Just been back from a huge commercial city in Zhejiang Province--Yiwu. Its population is not big, but because of the commodities from that place, this little city is world famous. I wasn't expecting too much when I was about to get there. Every time I think about those merchants with sharp gaze and cold look, I really feel a little afraid of them.

Shanghai South Railway Station	Trains	The Train

In The Train	Rail Ways In Yiwu	Yiwu Rail Ways

Before the train arrived at Yiwu, I saw dark water coming from the valley in the city, with bright cloud flying in the sky, and shining sun above.  The city is just developing too fast, with tons of rich people who don't know how to spend their money, with which they buy BMWs, big houses, etc. While being rich, which is good, do they forget about something? Sitting on the chair in the stores, letting their kids running wildly with bare feet on the roads of cars and passers-by, counting how much cash they made for today, I am wondering if this is what they want for their lives. Maybe I don't have the right to tell what they should do, but I feel I have the guts to tell what I have seen. Well, throughout all human history, maybe this is just the process of being the good society that we are dreaming of, but I just hope this process could be shorter.

Yiwu Railway Station	Yiwu International Trading City	Yiwu Railway Station