The new photo album cover picture has been changed to a road pic. It was shot by Canon D10 at Kuan&Zhai Lane in Chengdu today. I will keep this picture until everything’s been settled in late September.

When I was walking on the road which I used to be so familiar with, I found I am not familiar with the city any more. When friends asked me to recommend a good place to eat, I found I could not think of any. It feels weird to get older, knowing that my cousins have graduated from primary schools. My grandma asked me to print out the picture we took during our family dinner, so that she could keep one copy of her own. I am going to take one copy for myself too, and I will tell my mom how to use Skype. It looks quiet and peaceful, and yet the dramatic changes have been going on and I start to feel them deep inside. It’s the place where I belong and I need time to get to know her a little bit better before it’s too late, although I don’t know when. I saw my cousin sister off today at the airport and I don’t know when the airport starts to be the place I visit most in the city. We live in a 4D world, and when time is up, we all go back to the earth, turning into dusts, like we never come here. Maybe this is the life that I have been searching for since I was aware of myself. I wish the best of the people I know and I care about, but when we are confronted with reality, we are too weak to control anything. Although being sentimental is definitely not part of my agenda this time, I found our textbooks were so true about farewells which always leave melancholy to us. Respect the reality and respect the nature, so we can enjoy what we deserve in this life.

I buy things without thinking too much and now I am having trouble packing. After I have sent loads of things back home, I thought I don’t need to worry about the packing any more, but when I get back I found the case my aunt bought for me is just not big enough to hold even half of my belongings-I am having problems again! I think I really need to learn what to discard and what to keep before I bring everything back home. It’s a complicated job and it gives me headaches.

Xiang called me last night and he told me he’s getting married to Hui in October. They are the perfect match. It’s been a long time since we talked last time. As we get busy each day, friends leave further behind and when we find our special ones in the end we tend to live our own happy lives without caring too much about other old friends. My colleagues used to tell me about this too-this is the general rule probably, though it’s yet to be proven by my own experience. Merril is getting married in October as well, and I feel quite sorry that I won’t be able to attend her wedding. She is one of my best friends in college when we used to hang out in a cafe shop near school every Thursday night. That was the best time in Nanjing...Also Hao has found his other half and their wedding is in September. Yes, it looks everybody is getting married, and this is the inevitable trend even nowadays. I am just happy for all of them.

My packing is still waiting to be finished in the sitting room right now, and I know I have one week to get everything done before I leave. While I pack up my things, I am picking up my memories and putting them away.

I started to like hanging out with my friends, and I am different from who I was 10 years ago when my nature was suppressed. I used to invite kids to my home for parties and I loved them, but ever since my family moved, I changed and I have been looking for the lost me for a long time. I am not sure I am back, but I suppose the better I know myself, the better chance of success I could get. Like now, even when my classmates and I are in Shanghai, we couldn’t see one another for a whole year, and I guess there is not much difference if we are in China or somewhere else, as the internet connects us anyway. Maybe there is not much I could look back right now, but I am sure after years we could really understand why these times can be considered as golden years of our lives. There is only one 26 after all.

I had my first hamsters in the winter of 2007 and since then I started to collect cages and toys for my hamsters. I still remember the first time my hamster had babies and I kept them in the closet so our Ayi couldn’t find them. It has been a long time and they kept me company during my hardest time. I know it’s kind of ridiculous to be emotional for a guy like me but when it is getting to the point where I have to goodbye to them, I do feel reluctant to let go of them. They are just too cute. There were moments when I felt I had too many hamsters but never did I think it’s boring or nonsense to feed them and watch them grow. It’s not going to be forever and I knew it since the beginning but it’s been the time that I can cherish whenever I recall it. I gave my hamsters to my classmates and my friends who I can trust enough, so that my hamsters can enjoy the rest of their lives without worrying about being sold or being eaten by cats. Now it looks as if the only thing waiting ahead is my departure on Sunday, and surviving the agony of separation might quite well be the lesson I have to learn very soon.

Thanks to my classmates’ help, I finally managed to move back to the dorm again after one year living outside campus. It is good to be back to pick up some old memories and get ready for leaving before my official school life starts from September. It’s peaceful here and this is what’s been missing outside. I feel better because I don’t need to worried about the savages who would break in during the day time to “decorate” the apartment-it was too chaotic. Safety is just something you need to strive for instead of something given by the police or whoever. I am not afraid of those people, but it’s not worth it to fight for the justice against people who don’t even know what justice is. Now it’s good and secure to live with my classmate and enjoy the quietness on campus again.

Farewell dinner on Thursday was great, not only because I got the t-shirt with everybody’s signature, but because I felt it was sad to leave the team in the end. 1 year and a half was great in the team as I was trusted enough to be given the opportunities that were admired by many others. It was not easy but I survived and thrived till the moment I have to goodbye. I feel grateful. Classmates were cordial as well and we had a farewell&reunion party yesterday at Terry’s house. I don’t know what I am going to be like after 5 years, but I wish the people and myself all the best.

During the meeting I got the chance to announce my leave and it caught some people off guard as I expected. But it’s good that everybody understands my situation and the biggest rewarding is my manager’s been quite supportive. It means a lot to me, since I always conceive of him as some role model for us. Now the only concern is when I can fly back home to see my family to spend the only possible one week with them this year. I know there are challenges ahead and they require determination and perseverance all the time, and I am assuming it’s going to be maybe the hardest time of my life. I made my choice and I hope it’s worth my sacrifice and my time.

The landlord came yesterday and she is pissed off since she wants us to move out as fast as possible, so that she could have some time for the new decoration or whatever. Of course it’s not going to be the way she likes-she needs to respect the reality, like it or not. I even called the police during the fight, because I thought she was going to threaten our personal safety and property security. Nobody wants to make this into a big deal although I am sure people might be angry about certain things. My roommates told me it’s normal that this kind of things happen especially we signed the contract with a different landlord. It’s just a waste of time and that’s all. Of course, next time I rent an apartment, first things first, I need to know if the landlord is really the owner of the house. That’s the lesson I learned. Since it was my first time to live outside campus, I am not the one to blame and it’s ok to experience it to learn something. So I actually started packing from Friday and I was stunned by the luggage I was going to send back home. It cost me a lot of money to deliver them and I did not expect it at all. I had no idea how come I collected all the stuff and never did I realize I am going to have trouble with it. To top it off, it’s not finished today and I am going to send one more case back home in order to leave here with only one bag and one case, so that I can get on to the plane without aid from others. I honestly hate packing and it’s the last thing I would like to do, but I have no choice. :S

For the next two weeks, I am going to move back to school to live with my classmate, who kindly offered the shelter when I am in need of it. So after one year’s life outside school, I am back to the starting point. It’s interesting. Since it’s still summer and school hasn’t started yet, there are extra beds for my stuff and me, thank god. Time is limited here and I hope to make the best of it, for I don’t even have an idea when I am going to live in Shanghai again. 4 years is just too fast to be notified.

Time seems to be frozen every time I find something big is going to happen, and the time always seems to tough and uneasy before it. Is that the general principle of the nature or is it because that’s just how I feel? Or maybe both. I tend to stay where I am and enjoy every bit of the time, and inevitably the laziness and numbness generate inside which hold me back from where I should be heading. But this time, I will have to be pushed and prodded as the outside strength is insurmountable and powerful, thanks to the position where I am right now which divides me from where I would have been otherwise. When I have done what were mandatory, things are just going on seemingly naturally afterwards, like now. Even when it looks dramatic, it’s only peaceful and quiet to me-my shocking moment has long passed while I am more expecting sort of a culture shock in the next few months.  Still, mom and I talk a lot on the phone and I respect her ideas and everything, since she has experienced much more and she knows how to deal with massive changes. It’s not complicated because I have information resources to turn to, but it’s petty yet critical since any little false might get me into a future plague. Let’s hope for the best. As much as I would love to see each friend of mine before my final departure, I am afraid it’s not going to be practical. There won’t be a farewell party as we planned, since time is limited and it slips away fast. “I came here quietly, and I shall leave peacefully without a trace.” Well, I think it’s rude to just leave without the courtesy to say goodbye. We, at least most of us, will have the last dinner and the last hangout soon before I get kicked out of the apartment by the landlord and before my resignation. Shanghai’s been good to me and she deserves to be remembered well by me.

The shower on Thursday was reported the worst in 70 years history in Shanghai, and I thought that was it for this year. But the shower today is worse, and I don’t know if it’s recorded in Shanghai history at all. Since I did not have plans today, I relaxed at home and stared outside the windows occasionally to see if the rain ever stopped. Up till now, the roads outside have been turned into rivers with cars “floating” on and the rain is just getting stronger as it gets dark after 6pm. I don’t want to ride a boat to work tomorrow morning…Lots of people say the drainage system in Shanghai sucks, but if this kind of rain happens in any cities in China or in the world, I don’t think they could act any better. Let’s say the weather is to blame, or frankly speaking, we, human beings, are to blame, as we are burning coals and oil and producing carbon dioxide and other by-products at the same time, disturbing our earth. The rain is abnormal and it’s crazy. I remember last year I was caught in a rain when I was off work back home, but as far as I can remember the heavy shower is more frequent and more damaging this year.

Rain on Thursday
Rain Stopped at Sunset, but Not Today

Let’s see what tomorrow might be…